|YEAH BITCH I'M HEAVY METALING|

Blender Magazine : You call yourself the Greatest Rapper Alive. Prove it: Can you make up a rhyme on the spot using the words doughnuts, koala and Conan O’Brien?

Lil Wayne : Whoever asked that is just as crazy as me. [...] I don’t even know what a koala is, man. It could be sitting right there and I wouldn’t know it.

You play a mean electric guitar. What’s your favorite rock band?

Nirvana. I been into them since “Teen Spirit.” There used to be this video-request station called the Box, and some ­motherfucker must have loved Nirvana, ’cause that video was always on. I loved it—everyone was throwing everyone else around, and all the girls looked like they were ready to do whatever. When Kurt Cobain killed himself, I was like, Damn. Other niggas were like, Who? Back then, if you knew some rock shit and your homey didn’t, that was the shit. Like, you don't know that? [Sings the “Smells Like Teen Spirit” riff.] They’d be like, He's a different type of nigga.

What drug will you never do again?

I don’t do too many; I just smoke weed and drink sip. But I’ll never fuck with no more coke. It’s not about a bad high, it’s just about the acne: Cocaine makes your face break out, and I’m a pretty boy.

50 Cent has called you a “whore” repeatedly. Where is your comeback rhyme already?

Man, I have to call him and say thank you. He’s catapulted me. Nigga, white people know me now! Thank you! Diss rhyme? Fuck no! That nigga thrives off that. I am not feeding that tiger. I’m smart. Do you see his size? I’m small. I saw a YouTube video of this dude playing a concert; somebody threw water on him—he took off his hat, went in the crowd, grabbed that nigga and boom! I was like, This nigga’s the hardest nigga on planet Earth. So, no, I’m not dissing 50. And I’m not throwing water on him, neither.

Between the hundreds of rhymes you’ve recorded in the past few years, how do you remember them all?

I don’t. Before I play a show, I need to sit with a CD player and remind myself.

You’ve said you want to retire and become a French hip-hop star. What dirty French words do you know?

Uh, ménage à trois? Man, I don’t know when I said that. I be saying all kinds of shit, ’cause I be wanting to do all kinds of shit. I be high, y’all.

You’ve been arrested three times in the last six months. What’s the secret to
surviving a weekend in jail?

It’s just like you living in a bad apartment. That’s how I look at it: Here we go. Fuck. Somebody gon’ fuck with you, but ignoring a nigga is cool. You getting out of there in a few days. That nigga just trying to make your stay longer. One tip is: If you only gonna be in there a few days, even if it’s a whole week, don’t eat. Who wanna shit in front of anyone? Everyone gonna smell you. Some niggas in there don’t care, but me, I’m a hygienical nigga. You gotta hold that in.

Who do you want to take the White House?

Barack, I guess, but I can’t make a real opinion. I ain’t watching no debates. I just want my people to understand that Hillary and Barack are not running for president—they running to be able to run for president. There’s a Republican party, too—we ain’t about to win, fool! A woman or a black man versus an old white dude? Fuck no! They gonna be like, This black-ass nigga trying to come in my Oval Office? Fuuuuck no. The world about to end in 2012 anyway. ’Cause the Mayans made calendars, and they stop at 2012. I got encyclopedias on the bus. The world is gonna end as we know it. You can see it already. A planet doesn’t exist: There’s no more Pluto. Planes are flying into buildings—and not just the Twin Towers, but dudes who play baseball are flying planes into buildings. Mosquitoes bite you and you die. And a black man and a woman are running for president!

Your friend Pimp C died from a codeine-cough-syrup overdose. Are you afraid that stuff is going to kill you too?

I’m never afraid to die, ’cause I could walk out this bitch and a lamp could fall on my head. A mosquito could bite me! I was shot when I was 12, and I had to get blood transfusions, so I have to get tested for HIV every six months ’cause I got different blood in me. I could die that way. I get migraines real bad on the left side of my head. When I blow my snot, my doctor was like, “What color’s the mucus?” I checked, and the mucus came out red from the left nostril. They said I needed an MRI, but I can’t get into a magnetic field, because I have metal fragments in my chest from when I got shot. We can never figure out what’s wrong with me. So I don’t be tripping. I be pouring it up.

BLENDER.COM